I have struggled with separation anxiety(s.a) with both of my children. When my daughter was 6 months old I went back to full time uni to finish my degree. I struggled a lot in the start with s.a. I would worry the whole time I was away that something was going to happen to her. Not because she wasn't in good care, but because I would just worry.
Even now that she is 8 years old and spends time with her grandparents, I am having bad dreams at night that she will hurt herself and I'm not there.
My son is now 7 weeks old and I am having s.a. when I leave the room from him. I am trying to cope with it because I don't want it to escalate but it is very hard.
I have a few things I do to try and help settle the anxiety and I will list below some of the things I find that others have done for me that has helped. I am hoping that it gives you some help and support if you are struggling with or know someone with s.a.
Things I do to cope with separation anxiety:
Remind myself that "everything will be okay." A simple little mantra I say over and over.
Take deep breaths. Just like with anxiety in general, taking deep breaths brings me back to the present.
Distract myself. Keeping my mind on something else helps with taking away the anxiety.
Create times to be separate. Seems strange to say but I make times that I do have to leave bubs. Today I got my eyebrows done- 20 minutes tops I was away from him. But it helps to create those times.
Prayer beads. I have some buddhist prayer beads that I use when I am really anxious. Using the things above as well as the beads allows me to feel really calm. I say my little mantra above, I take deep breaths and distract myself all the time holding the beads.
What you can do for someone who has s.a:
Reassurance is the key. "Everything will be okay" being said can mean a world of difference.
Send photos. When my mum has looked after my kids and knows I am feeling quite anxious about things she sends me a photo of what they are doing. The constant reminder that they are okay when I am not there really helps and being able to see them, too.
Talk about the anxiety. Seems weird but talking about having s.a can really help. It makes it out in the open and not sending me a little crazy. Even just admitting to who is looking after the kids "I have s.a." has helped.
Send text messages. As above it is a reminder that they are okay.
Listen. When I say I have s.a. to my partner he knows what that means. He listens when I tell him what I am feeling and why. Having that assurance that he understands really helps.
Know that if you or someone you know is suffering for s.a. you aren't alone with it. There is ways to reduce the anxiety, its just about finding what works for you. Also, it is important to know that separation is important, not only for you, but for baby as well. They need that time away every now and then to learn how to cope with their own separation anxiety.
Start small. Give 5 minutes away from baby with someone watching them. The next time go a little longer. Trying to do a huge length of time straight away is just not ideal.
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